2007 VMAs: The Britney Conspiracy Theory

Leave it to the spirit of 9/11 to put me in the mood for a juicy conspiracy theory. Did you see the 2007 VMAs on Sunday? Yes, the whole world is aflame over Britney's comatose show opening performance. Apparently, she admits to currently feeling something called "embarrasment". The rest of the show oozed down my tv screen like an exploded can of spaghettios. The off camera Kid Rock/Tommy Lee brawl, Justin Timberlake's repeated helium-voiced challenges to MTV to play more videos, Jaime Fox's wild "unscripted" intro speech for the People's Choice Video of the Year, and Jennifer Garner's subsequent shouting of "The winner is...Gym Class Fallout!", the various cameras planted in various hotel room private parties, capturing spontaneous band performances. As we all know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, so if you don't blink something requiring secrecy may just happen!

Doesn't this all seem a bit in line with reality television, celebrity scandal, and the hollywood gossip industry that has sprung up to help us interpret and eventually consume what all this conflict means? Britney was acting weird, man. Really weird. You're telling me those lame outfits, the lazy choreography, and off time slip synching, and Sarah Silverman's follow up dissing don't add up to some serious evidence? Maybe she wasn't losing the fight against the world, but simply throwing it for what any artist with a new album needs...press. You think her label plans on moving units based on quality songwriting? Its Britney, bitch! Despite his handful of acting credits, I didn't pick up too much sincerity in Justin's beef with the brand that feeds either. Nonetheless, you could practically hear the entire nation gasp a collective "Oh snap!" every time he got riled up.

Is pop culture really eating itself this fast? Are we really such inarticulate apes that the only type of programming we're continually interested in orchestrates the crucifixion of those we love to feel superior to? MTV is no longer in a position where they must craft the illusion to the point of, well, believability. As exemplified by recent "cut to the chase" reality shows like Rock of Love and Two Coreys, the cameras simply swoop in from the get go to reveal implausible conflict, humiliation, and failure. Without any contextual development to make them authentic, its like we devolve into a wild crowd screaming at roman gladiators and bloodthirsty lions.

Naturally, I googled. I am not alone in this theory.